My Anger, My Darkness

I feel a deep
Sure footed misery
Lay its cold hand upon me
And unbidden ugliness
Fills my inward parts
I see that look in your eye
My hackles raise
I hear that tone in your voice
My tongue is quick to
Outdo your hard voice
And as the moment of rage
Passes away
I am left guilty
And you are left hurting
And so the flood waters rage
Between us
Until the hurricane is
Let loose
Leaving destruction and
Tears in its wake
Words of sorrow and forgiveness
Are spoken
At least momentarily genuine
Yet my heart is hardened
Against you
When will the winds of terror
Begin again to rise?
~
I see you trembling
I see you struggling
I hardly know what terrors you face
But I know that indeed you feel
Its deadly embrace
I myself am no stranger
To the darkness
And its cold grip of fear
Clings to my skin
Yes, I should not scorn
The monster in your closet
When I look closely
I recognize it
It is brother to my own
~
How ugly are these monsters
We must daily face
Morbid and deformed
Yet no face do I find
They are pictures of agony
With no true form
And I yearn to sweep them away
But they always return
Why oh why
Do I seem so paralyzed?
Blackened and bloody
By no solid fist
Stabbed and ripped to pieces
By no true claws that exist
Yet still I run into the darkness
When there’s light to be had
I know I want to choose the good
But right now all I hold is bad
~
Mother soothes back my skin
Her humming a reminder of peace
And father leans back with a pipe in his mouth
A little twinkle in his eye
And there is my sister smiling as she knits
Her mind is not clouded like mine
And slowly I’m reminded that God is here
And where He is there is peace
Peace for all that are His
~

1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” ~Matthew 7

“25To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd.
27You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.

29With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.” ~Psalm 18

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