My Painful Heart

There is pain
That burns in the heart
That dares to love
To love, love
There is hurt
That ever grows
In the heart
My heart, my heart
And I can’t stop the bleeding
I can’t stop seeing this
My love’s face
My love’s face

What can I do
When my love is in conflict
With my One True Love
O God, O God
What can I do?
I love You so dearly
And love to hear him love You
You love him, You love him
And I can’t stop weeping
I can’t stop feeling like
He’s falling away
He’s falling away

There is deep pain
In my heart
But I remember the day
Those days, those days
When he’d sing sweet music to You
And implore me to join
His delight was in You
Sweet Jesus, Sweet Jesus
And I can’t stop hoping
I can’t stop hoping in
Your deliverance
Your faithfulness

I know You will see him through
I know he will see You too
And this heart of mine
Will no longer feel this pain inside
Instead we will ever praise You
Praise the LORD!
Praise the LORD!
Mighty to save
Mighty in strength.
~

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it his not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;2 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” ~1 Corinthians 13

“11Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.” ~ Luke 15

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My Inspiration: Revelation 3:20

I opened my eyes, blinking in confusion. How long had I been sleeping? I wondered. It felt like it’d been– forever.

My eyes wandered around the room, but there really wasn’t much to see. In fact there was almost nothing to see. The room was pitch black, a blackness that only seemed to get thicker the more I tried to peer through it. But there was one exception. Small streams of light were poking through the cracks in a door at the far end of the room.

Funny, I didn’t remember a door being there before. I didn’t remember really much of anything before I’d fallen asleep– only my room that continued to grow darker and darker. I’d fallen asleep to dream of more darkness, and really I hadn’t expected to wake up again. If I’d ever really been awake ever in my life, that is.

Speaking of which, what had woken me now? Nothing here would have made a noise that I could tell. It hadn’t for the longest time. So what had changed?

The door, I thought.

Just then I heard it, and I jumped, startled. It was a knocking at the door. For some reason I felt fear fill me. Who could that be? What did they want? Whoever they were, they were where the light was coming from, and I didn’t really want my room or myself to get exposed by it. But still the person knocked. It wasn’t a hard, angry knock. Nor was it a timid knock. It was the knocking you’d expect a friend to make who knew you were inside and wanted to be there for you, comfort you, talk to you.

But I had no friends. Who could it possibly be? I considered just falling back asleep, but curiosity was soon overcoming my complacency and my fears. Perhaps I would just open the door a crack, see who it was, and then just ask them to go away. Besides, my room wasn’t really in any state to be entertaining guests.

I stood up, moved my foot, and instantly tripped over something. I crashed to the floor, getting a mouthful of dust. I coughed and spluttered, my arms and legs stinging from making contact with objects on the floor. I really had been sleeping a long time. I had no idea what was in my room anymore and there had to be piles of dust everywhere. I wasn’t going to get to the door without bringing danger to myself. I should just try to return to bed. It was safer there.

“Do not give up, Violet.”

I started. The voice had come from the door– a gentle, beautiful voice. And somehow he knew what I’d been thinking. “How do you know me?” I asked.

“I was there at the beginning,” he said simply. “Please, come to the door.”

“But I’ll get hurt,” I said.

“I will guide your feet. First, stand up.”

How is he going to guide my feet? I can’t see anything and he isn’t even in here, I thought. But I decided to try. I had a growing desire to see this man. I stood up.

“Good. Now, turn left and take three steps.”

I turned and walked three steps, convinced I was going to trip again, but I didn’t. He continued to direct me, the path weaving this way and that, but I never once stumbled. Finally I made it to the door. I felt for the door handle. I hesitated. “I’ve never been exposed to a lot of light,” I said, trembling. “Can you make it go away?”

“Violet, if the light goes away, I go with it. Trust me, when all things are made clear then you will know the joy of the truth.”

I didn’t understand. I closed my eyes and pulled open the door.

It didn’t matter that my eyes were closed, I could see everything perfectly. My shivering, frail, pale body sunk to the ground in fear. The man standing before me wasn’t surrounded with light– he was the light. His hair was white as wool, his eyes burning with fire, his robe tied with a golden sash. The brightness of him drove all the darkness away to reveal the dirtiness of my room, and I felt ashamed.

He reached down and touched me. I flinched, but his hand was gentle and kind. In his palm was a strange, round wound. He spoke again to me in his beautiful voice. “Do not fear, my child. I have come to make all things new.”

He lifted me up from the ground, wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders. For the first time I felt like I was safe, like I was in the presence of a good man, a friend. I trusted him. “Open your eyes,” he said softly.

I did so. My dirty place of abode had been transformed into a room fit for a princess, full of gold and jewels. I looked down at myself. I had been clothed in a beautiful dress. “I don’t deserve any of this,” I said.

“You deserve it,” he said, “because I love you. Now, let us sit and eat together.”

There was a table in the room, filled with a variety of food. All I wanted to do was sit with him, eat with him, and talk with him for all eternity.

And that is what we did.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” ~Revelation 3:20

“But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said: ‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” ~Ephesians 5:14

“Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” ~ Colossians 3:1-5

I opened my eyes, blinking in confusion. How long had I been sleeping? I wondered. It felt like it’d been– forever.

My eyes wandered around the room, but there really wasn’t much to see. In fact there was almost nothing to see. The room was pitch black, a blackness that only seemed to get thicker the more I tried to peer through it. But there was one exception. Small streams of light were poking through the cracks in a door at the far end of the room.

Funny, I didn’t remember a door being there before. I didn’t remember really much of anything before I’d fallen asleep– only my room that continued to grow darker and darker. I’d fallen asleep to dream of more darkness, and really I hadn’t expected to wake up again. If I’d ever really been awake ever in my life, that is.

Speaking of which, what had woken me now? Nothing here would have made a noise that I could tell. It hadn’t for the longest time. So what had changed?

The door, I thought.

Just then I heard it, and I jumped, startled. It was a knocking at the door. For some reason I felt fear fill me. Who could that be? What did they want? Whoever they were, they were where the light was coming from, and I didn’t really want my room or myself to get exposed by it. But still the person knocked. It wasn’t a hard, angry knock. Nor was it a timid knock. It was the knocking you’d expect a friend to make who knew you were inside and wanted to be there for you, comfort you, talk to you.

But I had no friends. Who could it possibly be? I considered just falling back asleep, but curiosity was soon overcoming my complacency and my fears. Perhaps I would just open the door a crack, see who it was, and then just ask them to go away. Besides, my room wasn’t really in any state to be entertaining guests.

I stood up, moved my foot, and instantly tripped over something. I crashed to the floor, getting a mouthful of dust. I coughed and spluttered, my arms and legs stinging from making contact with objects on the floor. I really had been sleeping a long time. I had no idea what was in my room anymore and there had to be piles of dust everywhere. I wasn’t going to get to the door without bringing danger to myself. I should just try to return to bed. It was safer there.

“Do not give up, Violet.”

I started. The voice had come from the door– a gentle, beautiful voice. And somehow he knew what I’d been thinking. “How do you know me?” I asked.

“I was there at the beginning,” he said simply. “Please, come to the door.”

“But I’ll get hurt,” I said.

“I will guide your feet. First, stand up.”

How is he going to guide my feet? I can’t see anything and he isn’t even in here, I thought. But I decided to try. I had a growing desire to see this man. I stood up.

“Good. Now, turn left and take three steps.”

I turned and walked three steps, convinced I was going to trip again, but I didn’t. He continued to direct me, the path weaving this way and that, but I never once stumbled. Finally I made it to the door. I felt for the door handle. I hesitated. “I’ve never been exposed to a lot of light,” I said, trembling. “Can you make it go away?”

“Violet, if the light goes away, I go with it. Trust me, when all things are made clear then you will know the joy of the truth.”

I didn’t understand. I closed my eyes and pulled open the door.

It didn’t matter that my eyes were closed, I could see everything perfectly. My shivering, frail, pale body sunk to the ground in fear. The man standing before me wasn’t surrounded with light– he was the light. His hair was white as wool, his eyes burning with fire, his robe tied with a golden sash. The brightness of him drove all the darkness away to reveal the dirtiness of my room, and I felt ashamed.

He reached down and touched me. I flinched, but his hand was gentle and kind. In his palm was a strange, round wound. He spoke again to me in his beautiful voice. “Do not fear, my child. I have come to make all things new.”

He lifted me up from the ground, wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders. For the first time I felt like I was safe, like I was in the presence of a good man, a friend. I trusted him. “Open your eyes,” he said softly.

I did so. My dirty place of abode had been transformed into a room fit for a princess, full of gold and jewels. I looked down at myself. I had been clothed in a beautiful dress. “I don’t deserve any of this,” I said.

“You deserve it,” he said, “because I love you. Now, let us sit and eat together.”

There was a table in the room, filled with a variety of food. All I wanted to do was sit with him, eat with him, and talk with him for all eternity.

And that is what we did.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” ~Revelation 3:20

“But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said: ‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” ~Ephesians 5:14

“Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” ~ Colossians 3:1-5