My Teacher

(An older poem of mine)

Where is the love we once swore to crave?

Where is the trust we once swore we would never betray?

Where is the hope that shone so bright?

Where is the righteousness we said we would continue to grow into?

I am a rebel, I have always been one.

First loyalty was to hatred and pride

And then to become beautiful in His sight.

I felt a new blossom revive in my soul

I opened my eyes and yearned to be whole.

I said, “This is love

Love I must feel for all of these people.”

So I set out to make it my zeal.

I felt a growth

A pain and yet a sweet fragrance

You cannot grow without trial

And I said, “This is trust I am learning

I will trust the Lord always.”

So I set out to make Him my stronghold.

I saw a light far away in the sky

Not a star

Not the moon

And I said, “That is Jesus holding out hope

My crown is waiting, hold onto hope.”

So I moved on to follow the light.

I came to realize something awful

That I could do nothing good at all

And I said, “I need grace,

Grace to make me righteous like Him.”

So I set out to know Him more and to let Him lead my life to righteousness.

But where has this led me?

Where has it gone?

I allowed myself some pleasures

I allowed myself to conform to the world

I looked for love when God had not ordained it

I could find nothing when I wanted and so I did not trust

The hope, the light, was so far away that I decided I did not need to follow so faithfully

I found righteousness too hard so I gave up too easily

Lord, where has this brought me?

Where have I gone?

My heart has turned to bitterness

I hate my brother

I speak with him often, but little is fixed

What bitterness is in my soul

Where has it come from?

From the world I follow in

From not loving in the correct way

From not following the Lord’s ways

From giving up on hope and righteousness

Lord, teach me to love

I feel empty inside

Lord, teach me to trust

I betrayed You long ago

Lord, teach me to follow

The light of hope burns so small

Lord, fill me with grace

Lest I fail in the quest

Teach me to forgive my neighbor

Teach me to love my brother

Teach me, Lord

Teach me 

“For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” ~ Colossians 1:13-14

“Teach me, O LORD, to follow Your decrees; then I will keep them to the end.  Give me understanding, and I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart.  Direct me in the path of Your commands for there I find delight.  Turn my heart toward Your statutes and not toward selfish gain.  Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to Your Word.  Fulfill Your promise to Your servant so that You may be feared.  Take away the disgrace I dread, for Your laws are good.  How I long for Your precepts!  Preserve my life in Your righteousness.” ~Psalm 119:33-40

My Everything, My All in all

Wickedness.

I felt it breeding in my heart as I fell deeper and deeper into bad habits.

What did I fill my time with?

The laziness the world had to offer me.

What did I run to when depression or fear overtook my heart?

I ran to worldly pleasures, seeking for the ugly feelings to be drowned out by nothingness.

And as I gave into the laziness to be guide through life, I felt an ugliness in my heart.

And I could not give it a name.

No, I would not give it its name.

But still I hated to feel its ugly head of shame inside of me.

One evening I read the bible.

Because I knew I ought to.

And in my head came the reference, “Psalm 36”.

And so I turned to it, not knowing what to expect.

And this is what the LORD showed me.

“An oracle is within my heart
Concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
There is no fear of God
Before his eyes.
For in his own eyes he flatters himself
Too much to detect or hate his sin.
The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
He has ceased to be wise and to do good.
Even on his bed he plots evil;
He commits himself to a sinful course
And des not reject what is wrong.

“Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
Your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, You preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is Your unfailing love!
Both high and low,
Men find refuge in the shadow of Your wings.
They feast on the abundance of Your house;
You give them drink from Your river of delights.
For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.

Continue Your love to those who know You,
Your righteousness to the upright in heart.
May the foot of the proud not come against me,
Nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.
See how the evildoers lie fallen–
Thrown down,
Not able to rise!”

I have become wicked.

A fool, unable to do good.

But the LORD

He is faithful

And good

And righteous

And just

He will not abandon His people

Those who turn to Him as a refuge for help

I have filled my head with worldliness

With emptiness

With nothingness.

I want to be filled with abundance

A river of delights

Surrounded by the wings

Of the LORD

I want to be filled with Him

My Everything

My All in all.