I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High. (Psalm 9:1-2, ESV)
Mental health is no joke. Anxiety is something a lot of people struggle with as is depression. I have been struggling with anxiety for a long time and recently felt like it was getting worse so, with the encouragement of my wonderful husband, I told my doctor about it. He encouraged me to get in touch with counseling and he also prescribed me a normal drug that helps with anxiety symptoms. He said the only real side effect was that I would feel sleepy and I wouldn’t feel the effects for about a month. Almost as soon as I started taking it I felt like my brain was different. Instead of feeling sleepy, I felt more awake, but different. A few days into it I thought maybe I wasn’t sleeping very well. And then one night, while I lay in bed awake and wishing I was asleep, I noticed I was blinking. Too much.
I freaked myself out and I woke my husband. I was just blinking over and over again. He thought it was my muscles spasming and they just needed to relax, so I stayed home and tried ice packs and hot showers and slept. By the next morning, it seemed to be gone so I went to work. By 9 in the morning the blinking had returned, so I called my doctor. I talked to his aide and she encouraged me to go to the emergency room as this was not normal. I was freaked out again and crying and my hand was also starting to tremor. My wonderful supervisor took me to urgent care and my husband met us there. From there we went to a different ER and it was a long time of sitting and waiting before I got tested. The doctor believed it was my psych medicine, that my brain just got too excited. They tested my blood and gave me a CAT scan on my head just to double-check everything but also gave me a shot of Benedryl to counteract the symptoms. Eventually, everything was clear and I could go home, told to stop taking the psych medicine and take more Benedryl.
The next week was very hard for me. I couldn’t go to work, but my doctor was very patient and understanding and gave me a note for the week off. During that week I slept almost the whole time, fighting lack of appetite, sickness, tremors, anxiety attacks, and depression. One by one they subsided, with only little bits returning here and there. Even now with feeling mostly myself, I am really tired. But I am also something else: grateful.
The LORD has been with me through the whole process. He has surrounded me with amazing people to care for me and pray for me. We recently started attending an amazing church and so we had a small group to ask to pray for us. I have an amazing friend group who is praying for me and worried for me. I have friends and family back home who love me and pray for me and check up on me. I have the most wonderful supportive husband God has provided for me who took care of me and providing for me and loves me oh so deeply. God even provided for me a wonderful gentle puppy who was my comfort buddy during my depression and sleeping. At every turn, with caring coworkers, a wonderful doctor, great friends and family, and church and husband and puppy, the LORD has been taking care of me in the most wonderful of ways and I am full to the brim with thankfulness and joy and praise for my Father in Heaven! I wouldn’t have been able to make it without Him by my side!
So although it was a rough story about mental health, I want to encourage you to seek treatment if you are struggling mentally. There is help out there, even if at first it is trial and error. Even just seeking a professional to talk to is a good thing. I am not discouraged in seeking help in regards to my anxiety, and I look forward to continuing the journey because even in that I know the LORD has a plan and is guiding me forward. But just know that no matter what happens, your Father in Heaven is not surprised and He will take care of you. I fully believe that if you are His He will not leave you or forsake you. He is good all the time! Amen and Amen!